Welcome to terr.com.
Last Update: 9/11/02
A super quick update - just want to tell all my friends, family, and those who have ever been close to me that I really do love and appreciate you all. Now go read my big ol' update. Serious. It'll mean something to me. Promise.
-Oz

Update: 9/10/02

I know, I know. How passe is this. I'm updating on/before/regarding September 11th. But this is a meaningful time for me at the moment, even outside the whole 9/11 business.
No matter what, people's lives have changed. It's not necessarily just because of what happened a year ago. It's not because it takes them longer to get to their planes at airports. It's not just because they hear about things on the news all the time about this jazz. It's because a year has gone by, and quite a lot can go down in a year. I would truly be surprised if, by some magical bit of fate, any one person's life manages to not change in any appreciable way within the period of a year. It doesn't have to be a good change, and it doesn't have to be a bad change. But chances are, it'll be a change.
Right now you may be thinking that I should probably have started writing this on my "ramblings" rant page. Probably I should have. But the fact of the matter is, I'm not. I'm writing this where more people will see it because, well, I feel like talking about things right now that are going on in my life. My life has changed dramatically in the past year. It has changed dramatically even in the past three months. In fact, it has changed dramatically in the past month... the past week... it seems almost as if my life is in a constant state of flux.
All of the ways life have changed can only be called, "interesting". I refuse to label things as "good" or "bad". As some of you may know, this past May I graduated from UC Berkeley (thank you, thank you). My degree is worthless, and I quickly discovered one horrifying fact: the BA is the new high school diploma in regards to finding jobs. Many, many jobs are now requiring BAs that really don't need one. Example - office assistant. Remind me how having a degree in, say, Psychology makes any one person preferrential to another in the Office Assistant field..? It doesn't. But whatever.
But right now, I'm not worried about that. I'm employed at a company I'm enjoying. I'm still a recent hire, but... you know, the people are great and I have fun. That's all that matters to me for now. But, all the ways my life has changed still makes me think about things like, for instance, "my life", and all that nonsense.
If you had asked me 3 months ago where I'd be, it wouldn't have been here. Not because "here" is bad, but because I was in a much different place than I am now, both mentally, physically, etc. I was living at home, looking for a job, spending most of my time either reading classifieds, playing on guitar boards, or pining over Meg, whom I missed dearly. 3 months later, and I'm one of the only people I know (atleast, I think I know myself) who has a job out of my graduating class (specifically, my major, and a few people I knew outside of my major). I live in an apartment (1 bedroom, 1 bath, 1 living room, kitchen, blah blah blah) by myself, that's very close to one of my best friend's apartments, and we have probably managed to hang out more in the past few weeks than we have in the year or so prior. It's really truly reminded me why exactly this person is one of my best friends.
I've got things to worry about by the handful, things that I knew I would have to worry about at one point in time, but that had also never truly hit me. Three months ago, I never really thought about how I was going to deal with the move, or the job, or basically any of that, because the plans I was working with were different than what actually happened. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just different.
I think what I'm getting at (ever so slowly), is that life does in fact change, and that we are all in some way active participants in that change. We ourselves have a certain degree of control over the events around us. Not all of them mind you. There were some things that happened this past year that I had no way of controlling except through the magic of hindsight - but as we all know, hindsight is always too late. The fact of the matter is, though, that change happens to everybody, both good and bad. In our lives we only have one thing to do, and that's live. We strive to find the best way to do exactly that. Some of us have dreams... some of us have goals that we want to reach that we'll sacrifice for and change our own lives. Some of us will muddle around for a few years trying to figure out what those are. Some of us will never, ever know.
The search for our place itself is nothing to ever be mad or upset at. In the end, all we can do is run. Our lives, every second of it, exist as races with ourselves. We alone chose how we will run them. You can ride the good things in your life with the false hope that things will never change in one direction or another. Or you can be hit by something life changing, and stumble, then stare at the sky lamenting your newfound burdens. Those choices are yours. But in the end, the attage remains true: it's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't.
What I'm really trying to say is, no matter what happens, get up and run that race again. Baz Lurman made a comment in a "song" once that boils down to, "the only person you're running against is yourself." Of course that's not the quote, but I don't remember it verbatim at the moment, and it's really inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Really all I'm looking for is for you to understand the jist of it. One cannot run this race as if nothing can change, and one cannot run this race by being so crushed by change that they no longer function. We take things in stride, and keep running. We choose the direction we run, and how fast we try to get there. We choose those we run with. We choose those we don't. We choose when exactly it is we think we reached the end of that race we were running.
With all the various things I've dealt with in the past few months, it's easy for me to come off sounding preachy or whatnot, and I understand that it may come off as displaying numerous bad qualities. I intend not to tell you how to live your life. That is something I can't do, and frankly, am not responsible for. Instead, I want you to know where I'm coming from right now, in this particular time of reflection. It's ok to think about yourself every now and again, and in this time, in this world, where it seems so much is changing so fast, dont' be afraid to take a moment from your thoughts on the events of this year that occurred nationally, globally, or whatnot, and focus on what you personally want in your life, and where you are in terms of reaching that.
Part of what we must all realize now is that we are alive, and that in itself is one of the best gifts you can ever have. This past year has served well to remind me of that fact, and I hope you feel similarly. In the mean time, I'm done. Read the last update, which is right below this. Go buy our CD. The people page has been updated (in the last update), and uh, some other stuff. I forget. Just go and read it.
-Oz

8/27/02 UPDATE: A NEW UPDATE?! I seem to have forgotten that I can do such a thing, even though I still have this website. MutEx's second CD ("The Wish") is now finished. Did you know we even had one..? Well, we do (available here at MP3.com's site), and it's a good one. Of course I would say that, but... honestly, I do think it's got some great songs on there... some soft, some intense, some both. Some heavy, some not... but they're all rock, and they're all genuine MutEx.

We're still busy. And we're still stupid. But now, Jen has moved on and Mutual Exclusion is still alive and kicking, sort of. The producers of "The Wish", Jeff Left and Lorrain Sargent, are taking up drum and bass duties for our upcoming gigs. We'll keep you posted.

Anyway.

I graduated from UCB. I can't really understand what I'm going to do with my life now, and... it's quite a surprise. I don't know how I feel about it all, and I don't know what I'll do with the rest of my life, but honestly right about now is a good time to find out. It's something we all do, I suppose. I've got my job, I'm on my way to finding a place to live, and... there you go. I'll be good from there.

Your mother called, and told Terr.COM to remind you to BUY MUTEX'S SECOND CD. She realizes he mentioned a second ago it exists, but... you still should buy it.

Life is... funny. Nothing like a crossroads at one's life to remind you just how odd it is that life occurs the way it does. I'm starting to write again, so who knows, maybe in a year MutEx might have a new CD. Who knows what it'll be about. I'm in a different head space than I was just... 3 months ago. Life changes. Things change. People grow. I know I will, and I'm just happy I have people I care about to do this with me.